Controlling parents, unhappy children

The topic of helicopter parenting is a popular current issue. A number of articles and studies are dedicated to this subject. But it doesn't take a professional to see that micromanaged children eventually become bewildered and unhappy with life.

If you are a micromanaged child or is close to such a person, you'll understand what I say here. Overly controlled children basically grow up to be miserable adults. Why? Constant scrutiny, interfering and criticizing robs a child of his/her confidence.

Furthermore when a parent always makes decisions for the child, s/he fails to develop the ability to make one's own decisions. Such children lose the sense of what is wrong and what is right for them. Instead of being responsible individuals, they end up looking for someone else to make all decisions for them.

Children need to exercise their own judgment, make mistakes, learn and develop a healthy sense of competence and self-esteem. They need to have a sense of control over their own lives.

So I write this hub to encourage parents to be aware of how they are controlling their children.

Suicide among university and college students is still a taboo subject. It is a serious concern especially at highly competitive schools. It is speculated that the link between self-esteem and academic achievement is a strong factor.

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), suicide is the second highest cause of death for youth aged 10-24, second only to motor vehicle accidents.

This article states that "More than half of American college students have considered suicide at some points in their lives, a new survey reveals." (I'm not surprised, suicide did cross my mind when I was a young adult.)

The National Alliance on Mental Health claims that more than 5 percent of students said they had actually attempted suicide, which is the second-leading cause of death for college students, compared to its ranking of ninth among the U.S. population at large.

Of note is the high suicide risk among male Asian (particularly Chinese) students. Cornell University formed a special mental health-oriented Asian and Asian American Campus Climate Task Force to address the causes behind the high number of suicides -- these students are among the least likely to seek out mental health help as the stigma among this group for seeing mental health professionals is extremely high. This article explains.

Sadly suicide, the 5th leading overall cause of death in China, has become the leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 34. (SOURCE: http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/china-news/one-suicide-every-2-minutes-in-china-61344.html)

• Teach your child to cope with stress by building self esteem. Foster courage, the feeling that s/he is capable of coping with any problem.

• Let your child make his/her own decision. Offer guidance, but leave the final decision to him/her. Help focus and stand by him/her.
• Help your kids find themselves. What are their passions and interests? Not what you want them to know and experience.
• Let them find their own path. Don't pressure your child to pursue a career that they don't want to have. They will work the hardest when they discover something they really want to do.
• Make sure that you are not attempting to relive your life and recapture your unmet goals through your child.
  
• Set a good example. Let your kid(s) see you enjoy life. It’s healthy for your child(ren) to see you taking time for yourself.

Since it is near impossible to escape from one's parents, one has to learn how to deal with the situation. Start with discovering yourself. Realize that you are an individual with certain goals and desires -- think of how you are going to achieve them. Understand that even if your parents criticize you, it is not your fault. Also understand that your parents are not doing all this to hurt you on purpose. Try to find out the cause of their controlling behavior. Is it because they themselves had controlling parents or is it simply their unrealistic desire to make a perfect individual out of you? Once you have all these questions sorted out, try to recognize their controlling tactics. Next time you feel that they are assuming the same methods, sit and talk it out with them. For some this may work but for others, their parents might just refuse to see reason. Don't confront or get into an argument the next time they interfere with your decisions. Do what you think is right when they question you about your action. Instead, reassure them in a calm way that what you are doing is right. For some adults stricter handling of parents may be required. Refuse them permission to control your life anymore. However, when you do this, be polite and firm at the same time. (SOURCE: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/controlling-parents.html)

Remember that your mind is yours alone. It can only be controlled if you allow it to be. Controlling behaviors are ultimately the controller's attempt to meet his or her own needs. When you do something, even if you are forced, find the reason you want to do it. You're the strong one when you find ways to meet their needs and yours, without allowing them to get into your mind. They can force you to pretend to be something you're not, but they can't change who you actually are.

• 8 positive ways to affect your child's career
  
• Signs of Overcontrol